My wife of 17 years:
When I first heard Dave's idea about this New Year's Resolution, I thought, "Ok, this is another of Dave's ideas that will drive me crazy! It will be all he'll talk about for a whole year!!!" Well, I was wrong. Yes, I said it, I was wrong. So far, the biggest change I have noticed is that Dave is a LOT quieter. For example, the other day, I was doing some work in the Poncan office for Evans Children's Academy and when I left, I locked Dave's keys in the office. He was out in the Theatre working and when he was ready to leave, he couldn't get his keys. He called me and simply said, "Hey, honey, did you lock my keys in the office?" I said, "Oh, I'm so sorry, yes I did." He calmly said, "That's OK, could you just go by Leta's, get her keys and we'll be able to get in the office." I did this and when I got to the Poncan, Dave kissed my cheek and said "Thank You, Honey." Now I have to tell you that I don't believe this would have been his response before January 1st!!! This is just one simple example of how his resolution is affecting him and the people around him. I know there have been many occassions since Jan. 1 where Dave has wanted to say something negative but, has chosen the 'high road' and didn't say anything. It has made the atmosphere more pleasant and has made me want to do the same in not saying negative things. I haven't been as successful as Dave but, hey, it wasn't my resolution!!!!
-Lori
My 15 year old daughter:My dad is the kind of person that is always doing something. He can't be bored. So when life appears to be slowing down slightly, he stews up another brilliant plan. He's always spitting out ideas, so when he first informed me of his latest, say nothing negative about anyone ever, i didn't put much thought into it, assuming it was just a thought he had and decided to share with me. I had no idea he was actually going to go this far with it.
Later, at a dinner with some close friends, he was discussing it. I soon realized he was serious about this. I sat there quietly through half the meal listening to everyone's thoughts, choosing not to share mine just yet. When there was a drop in conversation I decided to announce my opinion. I told him flatly, "I don't want you to do it." Everyone just stared at me blankly. No one else had made that statement all night. Everyone seemed to think it was an interesting concept. They all had questions about what was considered negative, and debated whether he could do it or not, but evidently no one's thoughts had gone the same way as mine. Let me explain why I didn't want him to go through with it.
When I'm arguing with my mom or brother (which is fairly often) I find it relaxing to go somewhere with my dad. It's like a little vacation away from the petty argument. Our talks always put me in a better mood. He makes me laugh, sometimes using negative comments about things. His sense of humor is such a huge part of him, I didn't want it to have to change. Thinking about this made me realize how a person couldn't go through a year-long experiment like this and not change. Everything about him could change. For all I know, the effect of all this could be him becoming a completely different person. And maybe I wouldn't be as close to that person.
After I told him all this, he told me how he thought he would change, but for the better. He said he sees the destructive power of negative comments and he sees that as something he has the power to change. We left the conversation there for the time being. I didn't want to think about it anymore for the night.
One week of saying nothing negative has gone by and my thoughts have completely changed. I see that he can still make me laugh, and we're just as close as ever if not closer. The only thing that has changed is that there's a more positive vibe around our family.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about the meaning of what he's doing, and finally came to this conclusion:
I know I can be negative a lot of the time. In fact, what I find myself talking to my parents about most of the time, is the stupid or cruel things friends of mine have done, and I end up making myself miserable dwelling on it. I suddenly came to this frightening realization. My dad saw a character flaw in himself that was affecting others around him for the worse. I see now that I share that flaw. I'm not one to like seeing the bad in myself, in fact, I hate it, which happens to be another flaw of mine. So this was very hard for me. I knew that he was right though. And I have a huge amount of respect for him having the courage to try to change himself. I am slowly trying to change my outlook too. I want to be the best person I can be, so thank you dad for once again showing me the way. I admire everything you do and I am continually amazed with the thoughts you provoke in me. I wouldn't be who I am today without you. I'll always be ready to learn from you, so don't ever stop teaching.
I love you,
Emily
Later, at a dinner with some close friends, he was discussing it. I soon realized he was serious about this. I sat there quietly through half the meal listening to everyone's thoughts, choosing not to share mine just yet. When there was a drop in conversation I decided to announce my opinion. I told him flatly, "I don't want you to do it." Everyone just stared at me blankly. No one else had made that statement all night. Everyone seemed to think it was an interesting concept. They all had questions about what was considered negative, and debated whether he could do it or not, but evidently no one's thoughts had gone the same way as mine. Let me explain why I didn't want him to go through with it.
When I'm arguing with my mom or brother (which is fairly often) I find it relaxing to go somewhere with my dad. It's like a little vacation away from the petty argument. Our talks always put me in a better mood. He makes me laugh, sometimes using negative comments about things. His sense of humor is such a huge part of him, I didn't want it to have to change. Thinking about this made me realize how a person couldn't go through a year-long experiment like this and not change. Everything about him could change. For all I know, the effect of all this could be him becoming a completely different person. And maybe I wouldn't be as close to that person.
After I told him all this, he told me how he thought he would change, but for the better. He said he sees the destructive power of negative comments and he sees that as something he has the power to change. We left the conversation there for the time being. I didn't want to think about it anymore for the night.
One week of saying nothing negative has gone by and my thoughts have completely changed. I see that he can still make me laugh, and we're just as close as ever if not closer. The only thing that has changed is that there's a more positive vibe around our family.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about the meaning of what he's doing, and finally came to this conclusion:
I know I can be negative a lot of the time. In fact, what I find myself talking to my parents about most of the time, is the stupid or cruel things friends of mine have done, and I end up making myself miserable dwelling on it. I suddenly came to this frightening realization. My dad saw a character flaw in himself that was affecting others around him for the worse. I see now that I share that flaw. I'm not one to like seeing the bad in myself, in fact, I hate it, which happens to be another flaw of mine. So this was very hard for me. I knew that he was right though. And I have a huge amount of respect for him having the courage to try to change himself. I am slowly trying to change my outlook too. I want to be the best person I can be, so thank you dad for once again showing me the way. I admire everything you do and I am continually amazed with the thoughts you provoke in me. I wouldn't be who I am today without you. I'll always be ready to learn from you, so don't ever stop teaching.
I love you,
Emily
My 10 year old son:
My dad and I disagree on what is negative. One time he told the dogs to shut up. I said that was negative and that dogs are people too. Dad didn't agree.
-Dawson
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