The Family Reacts.

The response from my family to this new challenge I am facing was very intersting.  My wife laughed and of course indicated I might not be able to do it.  (That was a very positive reporting of the event!)  After she was able to regain her composure and we discussed the implications further she took on a more serious tone.  We talked of her need for feeling supported in some future situation when she would be telling me of the troubles and how unfair someone has been to her, and my inability to say anything negative about anyone, leaving me with a simple statement of "I hear you".  The question being that in a relationship such as marriage is negative expression an important and perhaps indespensible ingredient?  I am blessed with an extremely good natured wife who is willing to go along with this thing and see where it takes us.  On the other hand she did seem to relish the idea that I could not say anything negative about her either.  My son lamented the loss of one of my pet names for him.  I affectionatley refer to him as "Dumbass" from time to time.  Wait, don't judge me too harshly.  It all arose out of our both enjoying the movie "Grumpy Old Men".  You see I say it with my best Walter Mathau impression and he laughs... or at least he used to laugh when I first started it.  My daughter's reaction was perhaps the most startling to me.  Over dinner last night with longtime family friends, one a minister, as we discussed my planned New Year resolution, my daughter took on a serious tone and brought the table to silence when she declared "I don't want you to do it."  She went on to explain that she likes me the way I am and my humor is part of that.  She said "This is going to change you, and none of us can be sure how?  So I don't want you to do it."  I was both touched and alarmed at the implications of her protestations.  First I felt loved as a father, but secondly I wondered what kind of messages must I be sending my daughter if she worries that my being less negative will somehow be a harmful thing.  After some thought I responded "Well, think of this, what if this experience proves that it really is possible to live one's life without saying anything negative about anyone ever?  What better gift could I give you as a father?"  She politely agreed, but I could tell she was not convinced.  I tried to act sure of myself and move on with the evening.  I wonder if she could tell that I was scared too?

The First Meeting

The meeting with my support team of professionals went very well.  We met in the Pastor's office and talked for over an hour.  It was very interesting to hear the three different perspectives on the idea of saying nothing negative.  We questioned whether it was possible, whether it was healthy or wise, and we questioned the nature of negative statements in general.  Towards the end of the meeting I asked all three men if they thought I should go forward with my plan?  The mental health worker said it would be an interesting experiment into human behavior.  The english professor said it would be an interesting examination of intrapersonal communication and indicated he might have a college class follow the blog as a discussion starter.  The minister said I was placing myself in a position of ministry by being public about my efforts.  I would say their comments were the most interesting thing about the meeting.  Each of these men, all in different fields, have embraced this experiment from different perspectives.  Each has a unique view based on their own lifes that have led them to their current positions.  I am grateful to have them as friends and as a support group as I prepare to take this journey.  I honestly don't think I would attempt it without them.

Getting Ready

Ok, I think this is really going to happen.  A team is being assembled to help me in this quest.  We have a meeting scheduled for 4:00 this afternoon.  A Minister- Mike Smith, A Licensed Professional Counselor- James Carter, and an English Professor- Scott Haywood.  All three have been selected for their specific area of expertise.  First the Minsister because I believe much guidance on this topic can be found in th Bible.  I know it has a lot to say about the wisdom of holding one's tongue and the power of words.  Next the Licensed Professional Counselor.  I think the need for this kind of help is pretty obvious.  I can't even imagine the kind of strain this might put on my family, not to mention my own sanity.  The counselor is there to assist with any conflicts or problems that might arise and to also make observations from a professional standpoint.  Lastly the English Professor is on the team because when you get right down to it this whole experiment is going to hinge on what really constitutes a negative statement about someone?  Where is the line between constructive observation and negative input?  Even what is communication?  Is it only words or does it also involve physical language like rolling the eyes?  I am looking forward to my first meeting with the team, but I am also becoming a little alarmed that this is real.  I wonder what will be the impact on my life?

Planning to say nothing negative about anyone ever.

This is my first blog entry ever.  I know who cares, right?  Well I suppose the answer is only me.  It is December 29th 2010 as I prepare for what I hope will be an incredible journey of self discovery and change.  You are invited to come along.  The purpose of this blog is to track my efforts to keep my New Year Resolution which is: "To say nothing negative about anyone ever"  It is a simple concept.  It is not a new concept.  I think we have all heard "If you have nothing good to say, say nothing."  But, how many of us have ever really tried it?  I know I haven't, not really.  I mean I'm like most people I guess.  I try to be nice, but I have never tried to really say nothing negative about anyone ever.  I am a little scared how this will work.  I wonder what I will be giving up.  Are negative comments about people really an important part of life that we MUST have?  I don't know the answer, but I intend to find out.  I'll be back to report my progress or complete failure and the results the attempt brings.  See you soon.