On the Verge of BIG Changes

Have you ever felt you were on the verge of big changes even though you weren't quite sure what those big changes would be?  I have felt that way for months!  I have been dealing with all of the usual feelings associated with big change: Fear, Denial, and only very recently a sense of excitement.  What a blessing that sense of excitement has been.  Oh I still have the fear, but the denial has almost left me.  You know, sometimes I think we just want to hang on to what we know even if it is killing us.  Unfortunately many of the things I am hanging on to in my life are doing just that, killing me, literally.  I'm not beating myself up here or even being hard on myself.  I am for the first time being honest out loud, and I am doing it here on my blog.  If you check, I haven't written on here in months.  My quest to say nothing negative about anyone has NOT ended.  It haunts me everyday.  A couple of posts back I wrote: "Now I find myself at a point where I can either let it slip away, quit outright, or go in deeper and make a new commitment to do whatever it takes to continue."  That was true, but there was a third option I forgot about and that was putting it off and dragging my feet.  That was not a concsious decision, but it was the decision I made.  I can see it in hindsight.  I'm not even saying it was a bad decision.  It was necessary because at the time it was all I was capable of doing.  If all of this sounds like I'm beating around the bush, then maybe you've never been through it, but if you have you know just what I am talking about.  I desire nothing more than to get back to my quest to say nothing negative about anyone, and I know the ONLY way I can do that is to face my fears.  I think I'll stop writing there, because I believe that is a REAL breakthrough!  I have learned if I want to say nothing negative about anyone else than I must face... ME.  I can't promise to write more soon, but I can promise you that this pledge has changed me and it continues to change me.