Shortest Blog Entry Yet

I am completely broken.  Hopelessly human.  Perhaps I am becoming teachable?  An important outer journey in my life has come to an end.  A clear focus on the inner journey is what is most needed at this moment.  I am thankful to be aware of this fact.

Self Be Not Proud

I have made some good progress on this journey to say nothing negative about anyone, but I have been far from perfect.  Did ANYONE really think I would achieve perfection?  Far too often in my life I have allowed the lack of perfection to stop me dead in my tracks.  "Obviously I can't do this, so why even try?" my negative inner voice says to me.  One of the points of this journey is to seek a better understanding of my self and the underlying forces at work that lead me to say something negative about someone.  I have to remind myself of that and accept the fact that I will stumble and it is when I fail that I have an opportunity to learn.  Well I have a spectacular failure to learn from that happened this past weekend.  Here it is Friday, SIX days after the incident and it has hardly left my mind for a moment since it occured.  Yes I failed in my attempt to say nothing negative last Saturday.  OK, I lost it, and the result was not pretty.  I have been listening to my inner tape ever since.  Here is what I have been hearing:  "He deserved it!"  "Who could blame you?!?"  "You have failed."  "You are worthless!"  Well you get the idea.  The struggle going on inside of my head tries to both vindicate and punish me at the same time.  What a waste of time!  SIX DAYS of my life wasted with this inner struggle for what?  A few seconds of anger expressed inappropriately at another human being.  It is NOT worth it.  I want to move beyond it.  This attempt to say nothing negative has given me yet another gift... but only if I can learn from my mistakes, forgive myself, and truly try to grow from the experience.  I KNOW that is what I want, otherwise why would I have ever began this journey?

Destruction before Growth

When I began this journey attempting to say nothing negative about anyone I joked with a friend "Wouldn't it be hilarious if I try this and it completely destroys my life?"  Well, maybe there was a little bit of truth in that joke.  A spiritual journey seeks to build a new life and to build a new life the old life must be set aside.  Sometimes in life we must be willing to set aside even things we love, maybe especially things we love, in order to make room for a better self.  I am in the process of making some big changes in my life and I would be dishonest if I didn't admit that it is this spiritual journey that has been a driving force in bringing those changes about.  I cannot clearly see my future from this point in the journey, but I am choosing to have faith.  Wouldn't it be great if we could always see what was waiting for us BEFORE we let go of what we have?  However, I don't believe life works that way.  Sometimes we reach a point in our lives where we know we must let go, BEFORE we can even glimpse what the future holds.  It is in those times of unsure change that the spirit of negativity attempts to take control.  I am saying no to negativity, no to fear, but in order to do that I have found it imperative to say yes to faith.  In honesty I have no idea where this journey is taking me, but I know that part of me I am attempting to leave behind will not be missed.

Laying My Cards On the Table

I had a meeting at work today with two superiors.  There had been some conflict, some fear, some hurt feelings.  I went into the meeting with a little trepidation.  I came out relieved for having had the meeting.  Sometimes the hardest thing to do is just be honest about how we feel.  If you are like me you play it through your head a thousand times, each time imagining a different response to your thought of statements, and then you think of how you would respond to that and how they would respond and... blah, blah, blah.  That mind game can keep me busy for hours or even days.  Isn't it a relief to just have the meeting and honestly try to express your thoughts in a positive way?  Lay your cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may.  Did just that today and it felt GREAT!  I didn't have to go negative or get dramatic.  I didn't have to go around and dish the dirt with people not involved.  In the end I realized I had the power to make a choice.  To give my trust or to close my mind to that possibility.  I think this pledge has helped me be more willing to trust without fear.  After all in the end if someone stomps on my trust, it really isn't my fault now is it?  You see I don't have to be perfect.  That means I can make mistakes and be OK with that.  The ability to be flawed and at peace with it is the greatest freedom I have ever known.  Don't get me wrong I don't want to embrace my flaws and keep them forever.  I want to improve.  But it is OK to have flaws, to acknowledge them, maybe even to laugh at them.  Perhaps that is one of the side benefits of this pledge?  I can only tell you that having taken the pledge to say nothing negative about anyone for a year has changed me in more ways than I can count.  Try it for yourself and you'll see.

Is "Truth" Negative?

In my attempts to say nothing negative about anyone I am constantly faced with a nagging question:  Is truth negative?  Or even more to the point:  Is my perception of the truth negative?  Here is a hypothetical situation.  If I observe that someone is dishonest and I warn another person about this dishonesty, have I said something negative about someone?  I certainly think of dishonesty as a negative, so is reporting about this negative a violation of my goal to say nothing negative about anyone?  Don't I have an obligation to warn someone who is likely to be a victim of this dishonesty?  Of course I do.  I am comfortable with that decision.  But alas life is not always that black and white.  What if I only suspect the dishonesty?  What if the only way I can confirm or dispel my suspicions is to have conversations with other people concerning my observations and theirs?  Now in that gray area am I saying something negative about someone?  If because of my pledge to say nothing negative about anyone I remain silent do I become an unwilling accomplice to the dishonesty?  Now what if the negative behavior I observe isn't dishonesty, but arrogance or low self esteem, or abrasiveness, or any one of a million human behaviors that I would label as negative?  Well anyway I think this illustrates the complicated grid I must navigate in order to even attempt such a pledge. So how do I decide what is a negative statement?  The only answer I can really give is motive.  Not theirs, but mine.  I must be honest with myself about my motives in speaking.  It is always a temptation to justify myself in saying all sorts of things "for the good".  But if I am honest with myself, really honest on a deeper level, sometimes I find that I must admit, even if it is honest, even if it is for the good of another, I derive some pleasure from the act of carrying this negative information about one person to another individual.  And right there is the real root of the problem and the real solution if I am able AND willing to look at it.  Do I derive some self satisfaction out of reporting the shortcomings of someone else?  Does it make me feel better about myself to point out the wrong actions of another person?  That is the real purpose of my pledge.  To be honest with myself.  To attempt to take no pleasure ever from speaking of another person's bad actions.  To not seek to build myself up by cataloging the errors of other people.  What I learn about myself, my motives, my "dirty little pleasure" in reporting "for the good" how other's are wrong is where my real progress is found.  So again I find that in any effort to change and improve my outward actions in this world, the real job is not just trying to be good.  Progress is only possible on this outward journey through an inward journey that reveals to me my faults and makes me desire to change them.  So if I am to "be good" an effort to simply do the right thing will never work.  To "be good" I must find where and why I am not.  OK, that is deep enough for a Saturday morning.  Time to decompress and enjoy this bountiful day!

Having a Good Day in Bad Times

Right now there is a lot of uncertainty in my life.  OK, there is always a lot of uncertainty in every one's life if we are honest about it.  I guess what I am saying is that I am more aware of some uncertainties in my life than usual right now.  Of course like most folks, uncertainty breeds fear in me.  When I look at an uncertain future my mind always seems to want to choose the darkest possible outcome and focus on that as if it were already reality.  Sometimes I can manage to cheer myself up by reminding myself that I cannot tell the future and there is no use in feeling gloomy about what is really just imagination.  Sometimes I can even convince myself to imagine a brighter future than the one my mind has conjured up.  But there are times that those mental tricks just don't seem to work and my mind stays focused on a future I really don't want.  It is at those times that I use a trick that some very wise people taught me and that is staying in the moment.  Living life in the moment can be quite beautiful.  You see no matter what tomorrow may hold, today wasn't too bad.  In fact today was pretty darn good.  I took my beautiful daughter to lunch.  I helped her deal with some things she needed some help with.  I had some coffee with some friends.  I got to work at two different jobs I really enjoy with people I really like.  And to top it all off I got to come home tonight to my loving family.  When I stay focused on today, life is pretty good.  Now you might be asking yourself what this has to do with saying nothing negative about anyone?  Well the answer is that when I allow fear of tomorrow to creep in and rob me of the joy of today I find myself anxious, depressed, worried and OK sometimes grumpy.  It is at those times that I am MUCH more likely to want to blame someone, anyone besides myself and in so doing lash out with a negative statement.  Yes, negative thinking leads to negative talking.  This is nothing new, in fact it is ancient wisdom, but it doesn't really mean a thing until I apply it to myself at THIS time, today, this minute.  Believe me, if I want to find a million things to worry about, they are there waiting for me.  But, when I choose to count my blessings instead, you know what?  They are there waiting for me too.

On the Verge of BIG Changes

Have you ever felt you were on the verge of big changes even though you weren't quite sure what those big changes would be?  I have felt that way for months!  I have been dealing with all of the usual feelings associated with big change: Fear, Denial, and only very recently a sense of excitement.  What a blessing that sense of excitement has been.  Oh I still have the fear, but the denial has almost left me.  You know, sometimes I think we just want to hang on to what we know even if it is killing us.  Unfortunately many of the things I am hanging on to in my life are doing just that, killing me, literally.  I'm not beating myself up here or even being hard on myself.  I am for the first time being honest out loud, and I am doing it here on my blog.  If you check, I haven't written on here in months.  My quest to say nothing negative about anyone has NOT ended.  It haunts me everyday.  A couple of posts back I wrote: "Now I find myself at a point where I can either let it slip away, quit outright, or go in deeper and make a new commitment to do whatever it takes to continue."  That was true, but there was a third option I forgot about and that was putting it off and dragging my feet.  That was not a concsious decision, but it was the decision I made.  I can see it in hindsight.  I'm not even saying it was a bad decision.  It was necessary because at the time it was all I was capable of doing.  If all of this sounds like I'm beating around the bush, then maybe you've never been through it, but if you have you know just what I am talking about.  I desire nothing more than to get back to my quest to say nothing negative about anyone, and I know the ONLY way I can do that is to face my fears.  I think I'll stop writing there, because I believe that is a REAL breakthrough!  I have learned if I want to say nothing negative about anyone else than I must face... ME.  I can't promise to write more soon, but I can promise you that this pledge has changed me and it continues to change me.

Going Deeper and Easter

OK, so my decision is to go deeper.  In my last post I said I was at a crossroads in my journey to say nothing negative about anyone.  My options were to abandon the project or continue the project by digging deeper into myself to find root causes for my desire to say negative things about others.  It is easy to simply believe that we say negative things about others because of their actions and they deserve it.  But if I simply accept that proposition I am overlooking a deeper truth, the truth that started me on this journey in the first place.  I believe when I say something negative about another, even if in my mind they have earned it, I create negativity.  It creates negativity in me and in whomever I say it to.  In short it is the belief that if I want to live in a more positive world, it MUST start with me.  Today is Good Friday and I am a Christian.  Sunday I will celebrate Easter.  Now don't stop reading yet, I promise not to preach a sermon!  Here is my thought.  The best way I can see Jesus, or any manifestation of faith is in the results in people's lives, mine and others.  I awoke this morning with a thought.  I always awake with a thought, but it is usually a thought about how much I have to do and how far behind I am, but today was different.  I awoke on Good Friday with a thought about the people in my life and how each of them represents some greater good if I look for it.  In fact I don't have to look very hard for it.  Each person carries within their life a message for me, a deeper truth, that I can learn from if I choose.  This is my Easter, I intend to think about the deeper truth I see in the people in my life.  I believe it is there that I will see a true manifestation of the good that God wants me to have.  I will close this rather long entry with the first two people I thought of when I awoke, in fact the thought of those two was already there completely formed when I awoke.  First is Sean Anderson, a man I work with everyday.  He has lost over 280 pounds and is now making a life for himself sharing his enthusiasm for the health he has found.  In him I see a truth that he is following his dreams.  The second is my boss Bill Coleman.  Now Bill does a lot and works hard and accomplishes many things, but the deeper truth I see in Bill is that he takes time to enjoy himself.  He gives himself a break now and then to do what he wants.  So the deeper truth I see in Bill is that rest and recreation are important.  Wow, only two people and I have already learned to work hard to follow my dreams, but to give myself some down time too.  I will continue to think of the people I know and learn from their "inner truth" as I celebrate Easter weekend.  That is my assignment for me, well that AND relax and enjoy myself.  God bless you, and I hope you also see him this weekend in the people you know.

To Go Deeper or Retreat?

Had lunch with my support team today.  What a great and interesting group these three men are.  I'm really lucky to have them willing to give their time to this project.  The conversation at lunch was very interesting today.  I've now been at this say nothing negative about anyone business long enough to learn a few things.

1.  Like most resolutions, no matter how well intentioned the zeal for keeping them can fade over time.
2.  To keep up the progress will require a rededication to the project.
3.  I have reached a point that may require some deeper examination of myself than simply trying to say nothing negative.

OK, so the first and second points are easy to take, but the third one is a little more tricky.  This attempt to say nothing negative has been very informative to me about how I operate.  I am now at a point where to make progress will require a little self examination as to the root causes of my negative comments.  This was my thought going into the lunch discussion today, and unfortunately the team was quick to agree.  As we began this experiment 3 months ago I purposely did not try to plan out where this process would lead me, but rather wanted to simply attempt to say nothing negative and see how it developed naturaly.  Now I find myself at a point where I can either let it slip away, quit outright, or go in deeper and make a recommitment to do whatever it takes to continue.  I hope this doesn't sound too deep or philosophical.  It is really quite simple.  It seems to make real change in my life I must be willing to examine my motives, that is to say the driving forces that make me want to say something negative in the first place.  I believe now that it is only at that level that progress can continue.  I'll write more about this later as the direction becomes more clear to me.  For now I can only say I'm thankful for what has been revealed to me so far andI'm thankful for the help I am being freely given.

Positive Comedy

I haven't written in a while.  We have gone through a whole realignment at the office with my assistant of 5 years leaving for a new job and hiring of two new employees.  It was of course an emotional time of change, but it all worked out, and for the most part I remained positive!  I cannot say I was perfect, but I can tell you that this pledge really helped me.  It wasn't that anyone was being negative or that I wanted to say anything negative ABOUT anyone, but any time of change brings with it uncertainty and fear.  At least for me it is tempting to become negative in response to situations that are beyond my control.  I instead chose a path of reaching out for help.  Help from other people and help from God to give me calm times of faith and peace instead of worry.  OK, so anyway as I said everything has worked out very well and tonight was a LOT of fun.  I was a speaker at a celebrity roast of our local Chamber of Commerce Director, Rich Cantillon.  Of course having taken a pledge to say nothing negative about anyone does offer it's challenges when you are supposed to be doing comedy at a roast.  Thankfully Rich is well known for being a very positive person, so I was able to talk about that.  I think my comedy was enjoyed AND I didn't say anything negative.  I hope to get back to writing more often now and I'm looking forward to seeing my support group again tomorrow for our weekly meeting.  I'll report on that soon.

Dealing With Negative People

Several people have asked me lately if dealing with "negative people" makes it harder for me to say nothing negative about anyone?  I'm tempted to go into a long winded philosophical song about how no one is negative, we are all on a journey and sometimes... yada yada yada.  Lets be honest, there ARE negative people.  We all have to deal with them, sometimes on a daily basis.  Fate has a way of throwing us in with all sorts of people and there always seems to be one in every group that takes delight in pointing out all of the problems and staying as far away from any solutions as they can.  They tend to focus on how others should change to meet their needs and never realize that maybe they could stand to change a little too.  Now having said all of that, let me share why knowing that is very freeing for me.  Once I can realize that the person is negative by nature, NOT simply by circumstance, I can begin to allow them to be as negative as they want without, and this is crucial, without taking their negativity personally.  I can realize that their being negative has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with me, even when they focus it at me and blame me for their negativity.  Now, I'm not saying I want to be surrounded by negative people, but I am saying that this vow I have taken to say nothing negative about anyone has allowed me to stay calm long enough to realize that it is OK to stay calm.  By not playing along I don't get sucked into the negative vortex.  I am free to leave them with their mood and enjoy mine.  I'm sure this all sounds very simplistic, and it probably is, but for some reason it has taken me 49 years to begin to realize it.  The tool that has allowed me to get a glimpse of this reality is the act of saying nothing negative about anyone.  So here is my answer to the question "Does dealing with negative people make it harder?"  Perhaps, but the important thing is that my resolution makes it easier to deal with negative people.

Busy, Blessed, and Bushed

Wow what a week.  Didn't get any blogging done.  100 kids in "Disney's Alice in Wonderland Junior" opening here at the theatre in 30 minutes!  Blizzard canceled a couple of rehearsals and delayed opening night.  I am doing lights for the production.  My wife is the Director, my daughter is the Stage Manager and my son is one of the 100 actors.  On top of the play this week was deadline for some very big grants for the theatre.  So grants, blizzard, 100 kid show all in one week is certainly enough to test one's resolve to say nothing negative about anyone!  So how did I do?  Not perfect I'll tell you that.  But, I did do so much better than I would have done without this resolution.  I can truly see how it helped change my mood and how it helped those around me.  Best of all, I got to meet with my 3 man support team for lunch on Friday and I spent about an hour unloading all of my stress on them (in a positive way).  It really helped.  Now here it is opening night.  The kids are all excited, the parents are happy, the theatre is filling up and I haven't bitten any heads off.  Hopefully I will be able to write more next week.  The main point I wanted to leave you with tonight is that this is working and it is beautiful.  I should have thought of it years ago.  Well got to run, the curtain is going up soon.

Stress and Support

Stress!  Stress is a killer.  Stress can and has caused me to say negative things more than anything else in my life.  When I am under pressure I often feel justified in being hyper critical of others and overly sensitive to any increased demands placed on me.  This past week has been one of those times.  This coming week will continue the pressure cooker.  I won't bore you with all the details of what all the pressure is about.  I'll just say it is work related.  I have wanted to go negative and blow up, and I have at a couple of crucial moments slipped and let a little steam escape, but nothing like the old days of blowing my lid completely off.  I wish I could have done better, but I also recognize that there has been tremendous progress in the way I have so far handled all of the situations contributing to the stress.  I find that my pledge to say nothing negative about anyone is causing me to stay focused on finding solutions and trying to implement them.  It is also helping me recognize that I am not responsible for how others handle stress, nor do I need to take it personally when, because of their stress they let a little steam blow my way.  That breakthrough alone would make this experiment worthwhile!  I have not been able to write as much this past week because of the amount of work on my plate, which of course is what I am writing about now.  I can only say that I am so far very glad I made this pledge and that I have help available when I need it.  If you should decide to try this "say nothing negative" thing I can strongly recommend you get at least one person to be a support to you, and if you can get three like I have, so much the better.  Without them and this blog I might have let this slip away like so many other resolutions in the past.  Thank you for keeping me going.  The longer I try this, the more I realize how badly I need it.

Visit to Lexington Schools

Today I travelled to Lexington, Oklahoma to present two assemblies.  The first was for members of the Lexington High School and the second to Lexington Junior High School.  It was my first time to publicly speak and share my ideas about saying nothing negative about anyone.  It really gave me a new approach to take with the students on the topic of bullying.  It was a much more personal message and I spoke about my own experiences with this challenge.  The students were great and were really fun to work with.  The faculty was very encouraging when we spoke after the assemblies.  One teacher said she was going to make the "Say Nothing Negative Challenge" a writing assignment for her classes.  I really hope I get more opportunities to share this message with young people in the future.  Only positive words from me for Lexington Schools.

The Minister Speaks

As you know if you've been following this blog, I am not alone in my attempt to say nothing negative about anyone for one year.  I am being assisted by three men who each approach this from very different perspectives.  An English Professor, a Certified Counselor, and a Minister.  Today we hear from the minister:

Dear followers of Dave’s blog,

My name is Mike Smith. I am one of the “professionals” on Dave’s support team. Dave recruited me to supply advice from a biblical/theological aspect in his endeavor. I am Dave’s pastor and an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church. Of the three support team members I have known Dave for the shortest time, just three years. My first remembrance of Dave is right after my first worship service at Ponca City FUMC. As Dave and his family were leaving the service they presented me with a gift, a box of macaroni and cheese. The gift wasn’t given to help fill my pantry but because my sermon title for that service was “Macaroni and Cheese”.  This was my first insight into Dave and his humorous, fun-loving nature. (I still keep the box in my office.)

However, there is a connection between Dave’s current quest to not-say-anything-negative-to-anyone-for-one-year and my sermon on that first Sunday worship service. My macaroni and cheese (aka, my ministry’s bread and butter) is to help people live out their faith seriously and faithfully. (Phil. 2:12-13) Dave’s attempt to control his tongue and willingness to hold himself accountable is virtuous and inspiring and, therefore, more than just a sterile scientific experiment. Thus my interest is pastoral for Dave and also for all who follow Dave’s blog. I’m very interested to see how Dave’s commitment plays out in the public square and how much conversation and inspiration it stimulates. It is one small alternative to the cynical, negative voices that so often consume us.

-Mike Smith

Thanks Mike for your support and encouragement in this quest.  I'm just thankful your first sermon wasn't called "12 Pounds of Rib Eyes" I don't think I could have afforded it.

Another Week of Saying Nothing Negative

Well I just wrapped up my third week of saying nothing negative about anyone.  I'm not as "on edge" about it now.  I didn't get to have my weekly meeting with my support team because of schedule conflicts.  We will meet again next week.  It was a good week.  It is interesting that I have sort of settled into a routine in only the third week.  In the coming weeks I have the two anti-bullying assemblies, and I am a guest speaker at a celebrity roast.  That second one could be an interesting challenge for someone who is not supposed to say anything negative about anyone, but I think I have an angle that will work.  I think I have learned that most people I come in contact with make it easy to say nothing negative.  Those that do make me want to become negative, I simply don't think about as much as I used to.  Just sort of let the moment come and go without comment and move on with my day.  Seems fairly simple most of the time.  Funny I never thought of it before I started this journey.

Love is All You Need

VERY interesting day.  Louise Harrison, the sister of late Beatle, George Harrison was a guest on my radio show this morning to promote an upcoming appearance of "Liverpool Legends", the Beatles tribute act she hand picked as a tribute to her brother.  Playing Beatles music on the radio and talking to someone who was there in the inner circle with the Beatles when it all happened was an amazing experience.  What made it great was the fact that Louise is a very nice and genuine person.  She spoke often of growing up in Liverpool with parents who taught her, George and their siblings to be honest and treat people with respect.  I felt as if I got a glimpse into the soul of George from meeting his sister and seeing how she treated everyone she met with respect and kindness.  Although some news sources have recently reported that she is 80, Louise is quick to point out that she is 79 and a half!  She recently had hip surgery, and it was quite cold here today, so I know it was not an easy thing for her to go everywhere we took her to meet Beatles fans, but she did it all with a smile and a true enjoyment that showed.  Everyone she met got a "Harrison hug".  She explained that one of the last times she saw her brother, he gave her a hug and told her to keep it going.  She has.  The joy she brought to the people who met her today was really something to see.  Toward the end of our scheduled time together as we sat talking, I told her a little history of Ponca City.  When I mentioned Standing Bear, a Native American who was the first to be recognized by the courts of the United States as a human being, her eyes lit up with interest.  When I told her there was a statue of him, she said "I must have my picture taken with that statue.  I want the Native American people to know that I stand with them and recognize all that they have been put through."  Wow!  I thought to myself, this is such a "Beatles" thing to do.  So like the message of love they tried to share.  This was a "Harrison hug" to a whole race of people who have suffered opression.  Imagine if you will Louise, 79 and a half years old, hip no doubt hurting after a day of meeting and greeting, insisting that we take her to the Standing Bear statue on a very windy and cold afternoon so that she could send a message of love.  In that moment I truly saw her as George's sister.  I understood how the love for others that was showed to her as a child by her parents had helped shape her entire life.  I also knew that those same lessons had helped form the life of her famous brother and his quest to seek peace and spread love through his music to a world so in need of that message.  Today I have nothing negative to say about anyone.

School Assemblies and a Sermon

Time to bring you up to date on all the latest happenings.  I have "Anti-Bullying" assemblies scheduled for a Junior High and a High School next week and I am really looking forward to seeing how the kids react to my efforts to say nothing negative about anyone for a year.  I have been presenting anti-bullying assemblies in schools for years, but with this new experiment I really feel like I have something relevant and new to share with the students.  Yesterday was a very interesting Sunday for me.  Mike Smith, the minister on my support team delivered a sermon that involved telling the congregation about my efforts.  I can't ever recall being referred to from the pulpit as a GOOD example before!  After the service I got lots of pats on the back and a few friends in the church were grinning ear to ear anticipating the fun they will have this year baiting me and seeing if I can react without saying anything negative about anyone.  It was very apparent that they have known me for years and easily recognized that this task is out of character for me.  Lets just call their sly smiles brotherly love shall we? 

Second Weekly Meeting

Yesterday was the second weekly meeting of my support team.  We had plenty to talk about.  We discussed the Arizona tragedy and the national mood.  We discussed the idea of developing some material to assist others in taking a "Say Nothing Negative" challenge.  Most of all we discussed one of my favorite subjects, me.  It is really great of these three busy men to take time to help me in this process.  One interesting thing that happened during the course of the conversation is that each of them at some point defined their thoughts about the role of the support group.  Mike, the minister referred to the group as a sort of "divine influence".  James, the counselor at one point referred to the group as the "super ego".  Scott, the English professor kept talking about grading my progress.  Speaking of that, Scott has taken on a little project for the group.  He is going to develop a criteria to "quantify this process which is really more qualitative in nature."  He spoke of developing a rubric (Pronounced roo-brick).  I'm not sure I understand all of that, but I look forward to seeing what he comes up with and how we can apply it to this experiment.  I got a little nervous when Mike described the process I was going through as sanctification, but felt better when he said it just meant trying to become a better person.  Our meeting this time was at a restaurant that had free soft serve ice cream.  At the end of the meal Mike asked if I was staying away from the "stupid ice cream" so I wouldn't get a brain freeze again?  My sanctification process prevented me from answering.

The Arizona Tragedy

Eight days after I started my journey to say nothing negative about anyone ever our nation was rocked by a horrific tragedy in Arizona.  A gunman shot several people at a political meeting outside a grocery store.  His main target a United States Congresswoman.  What followed was an incredible nation wide outpouring of finger pointing and name calling.  The right blamed the left, the left blamed the right.  Newscasters, politicians, talk show hosts were all blamed for the shooting, or rather the uneasy heated political environment that existed before the shooting.  The same environment that was so well highlighted in the lack of discussion and storm of screaming that followed.  I am not here to share my opinion.  There are plenty of places to hear every opinion under the sun.  I am here to say nothing negative about anyone and share what that journey is like.  What I am experiencing is anger, sorrow and fear.  The one thing I do know is that this event has focused even more attention on the words we use and their impact on those who hear them.  My reaction is different today than it would have been before this personal journey began.  I do not want to say anything that divides.  Instead I find that because I am forced by this vow I have taken to say nothing negative about anyone I am only left with these feelings of extreme sadness as I watch the name calling.  My deepest sadness tonight is not caused by harshly judging those involved in the political rhetoric.  It is a more profound sadness than that.  It is a sadness for who I was and the time I have wasted, because I know I would have been thick in the middle of this rhetoric if not for this vow.